How to kill an FE.... yeah!

Inspired by the 'How to kill a lion' series (I'm sure you have heard of it) featuring the Rajnikant, Karan Johar, Einstien etc methods, I hereby proudly present the how to kill an FE series.

(PS:

No anti-teacher sentiments here... I'm sure none of our teachers are such that can be considered 'evil-minded' . I sincerely hope this is taken in good humour by everyone - including any teacher if they chance upon to see this :P)

The 'HBV' way :

Tuesday:

I am going to take surprise test - Fooll porshan on the 17th of this friday. Only the first three chapters. Padho warna fail hoge!

Friday:

(Demented sadistic smile :)

Loon kya?!?

I will take test coming Wednesday!

Wednesday:

I hope tum sab padh rahe ho. Main test lene waala hoon agle hafte. I am going to take a test next week. 

Next Wednesday:

Ye sum solve nahin kar paaye then assume you are going to fail the test. FBD banaaya to do mark milenge. Jaw-mein-tree galat hui then you will get this : (write '0 0' on the board that looks like infinity). (It is surprising to note the humour region of the FEs actually responding at this crucial time!)

Sunday:

FE commits suicide :|

The 'ARP' way :(This method deserves an 'OK Tested' stamp :P)

Oukay... first you take a peeijhoelektrik ouscillatour. Ouukay. Then you take an AC supply. Oukay. Put the FE between the plates. Am I rauight here? . Oukay. Then. You sweetch on the pouwer souply......Do you understand? Ok. Soon, doueue toueue thae compulsive exsssessive vibrations of the student at an ultrasuouunic frequency , the student gives oup on its life. Okay.....!

The 'MN' way :

Successively differentiate off the FE 'n' times. If the student gives back answers saying he/she/it is e^x , then differentiate it w.r.t. 't' :P

The 'PG' way :

#include "no_lectures_this_week.h"

#include "three_double_lectures_next_week.h"

#define student FE

int main()

{

struct student;

while(student.hitpoints>0)

{

student.make_debug_creeeeptic_program();

}

return to_office;

}

The 'RD' way :

Poot the FE in a creestal staaaaaaakkkkktktktktktture and bombard him/her/it with a charechteriseec X-ray spectrum from all sides.

The 'NB' way :

Ok class.... look here class. I have actually tried this. You just put the FE, and multiply it with i.

The 'AK' way:

Tooooh? Kaise karte hai bataao? FE ko water mein dooba do. So simple it is. Computer ke saamne water kya hota hai?!?

The 'ST' way:

Lolz.... even I dont know :P

The SE way:

First day: Rag them.

Second day: Conduct daylight robbery selling them workshop tools, lab coats, and textbooks of old syllabus at abnormal prices.

Third day: Drag them all into a seminar of 'How to successfully crack GRE/CAT etc' or other stuff the FE is still amused by.

Next month: Make them volunteer into fests, dance day and night for a freshers party, make em pay up to join organisations with hi-fi names and even hi-fier abbreviations.

Next month: FE is now FYBA student :P

TE way:

Keep dropping by occasionally into the FE class, keep scaring the poor creatures about KTs, examinations, make em jealous that you have no work and can bunk so much. FE will commit suicide out of feelings of a worthless life.

BE way:

Do not be seen regularly to the FEs. Appear only once a month in a suit and tie to give a presentation or to teach html. Ultimately the FE will die out of curiosity about your identity. (Also post scary stuff about college in SPIT-Uncensored community :P)

Some interesting facts:

The amount of journal+assignment paper used up in 1 sem by 1 student is an average of 350 pages. Assuming 30000 students in MU in colleges that GIVE assignments, this works out to 1.05 X 10^7 pages of paper! The effect of this global warming is felt somehow affects only the FEs, especially the nights before the D-days.

An average of 439 FEs in MU each year get carpal tunnel syndrome after writing assignments and journals after being accustomed to only colouring cute little tiny circles for four whole months.

Well its a wonder that we have survived a whole semester in FE..... that too with good memories filling up orkut albums more rapidly than ever....

cheers!